Getting it back…

I just wanted to proclaim out loud that I am in the process of reverting back to the old me. I liked her much better. I wont post what steps I am taking to get there, but there are precious few. One of the main ones of importance, is getting back to my genuine LOVE of music. I still love music. Im gone ALWAYS love music, but it has not been as accesible to me recently as it has always been, and there is a lot of good shit I have slept on as a result. If anyone has suggestions, hit me with them, I love Hip Hop, but I also love soul, rock…and even some pop. Let me know…my ipod is depressed.

Add a comment March 25, 2009

Flashback…Wednesday?

I know I write to no one in particular when I add to this blog, but It’s mine, and sometimes I just have to get things out in the op I have been saying for years that I always know what is going on, on say, the other end of  telephone conversation. Most of think we know, common sense tells us we are usually right, But no. i ALWAYS know. I am always dead on. That really has nothing to do with what im about to get into. I have this semi psychic thing going on. I have had it for years. Not so much psychic, but when I think about a person, the tend to show up in some form, like the very next day. Enter Mark. For all intents and purposes…this is a private blog so Mark could be any Mark in the world. Anywho, yesterday I thought about Mark numerous times. I had not thought about Mark in a long while before this. I subsequently, later that night, had a dream about Mark. Nothing nasty, just a dream where he showed up on my porch, like he used to do back in the day. Today I go to check my email, and who has signed up for a facebook page and found me? Ypu guessed right if you said Mark. I mean, this was the morning after I woke up from the dream.

Bizareness…

Let me give you a little background on Mark. He was never my man, never my FBuddy, but he was best friends with a man of mine, and I did F him once. It aint as bad as it may sound. Let me clear up any hoodrat thoughts you may be having about me right now!

I met my ex when I was 16,on the phone, through a girl I knew who was kind of a slut. But a cool slut nonetheless, and she apparently knew a guy who “liked girls that looked like me” whatever that meant. I was hella cute- but I later found out she meant the Hip Hop girls. Okay-make it plain, bitch. Anyway, I talked to the guy on the phone a couple weeks and we decided to meet. He lived in the burbs and I was a city girl, but he agreed to take the nearly 2 hour train ride to my house. He came, and brought his friend with him. Mark. So basically we all officially met on the same day, same time. This was over 10 years ago, mind you. But I digress.

We hung out on my porch for a few hours, talked, walked around and joked, and eventually they left. No kissing, no draws—I was NOT freaking yet (only 16 let me remind you!). He called wen they got home to tel me they made it back. We kept talking…and eventually decided to “go together” after a few more visits. My ex was such a huge A hole, that we would break up and get back together several times thereafter. But Mark was always a staple. He always called, he would often stop by without my man, A. because he was dealing with a chick on my block, and B. because we were cool ebnoough for him to do that.

But when i finally broke up with my A hole boyfriend on a more permanent basis (name calling and the like), Mark REALLY was a staple. H e started telling me that he was only dealing with the chick down the block to get closer to me. That they never slept together (a fact she herself did not deny), he couldnt stand to look at her (she was NOT cute), he knew my ex was horrible, and cheating, and was just waiting for his in. I was flattered and all, but I couldnt do it. Granted my ex was more of a puppy love thing, but they were friends. You cant move on with friends. Even though we were puppies, we were pretty serious puppies.

Fast forward to 20 year old me. Now, I’ve gotten back with the ex a few more times, broken up a few more times- but always talked to Mark. Mark dated one of my closest friends in the world, and I think she even loved him for a while, but he would bad mouth her to me. See, she had her own set of friends who were NOTHING like meand my girls. They WERE NOT down to earth or humble. They tried to live the lifestyle of the girls on the movie “Clueless” but they had no money and no style whatsoever. So that was a wash. I remained the same ole G I had been, dressing the same, listening to the same music, not putting on a front.

One day, to speed this story along, A girl I had befriended and I went to visit Mark and a friend of his. Just on some old, lets kick it and chill type shit. We get there, drinks and smokes are flowing…I smoked weed occasionally, never drank dark liquor until this night though. Before I know it, im bouncing up on Mark. Like, bouncing up and down with no panties on. It was wack, and I regretted the 3 minutes of it as soon as it was over. Mostly, because I knew I always knew my ex would find out immediately, and because it was NEVER, EVER, in my life plan to let him get a piece. Ever. At this point, my ex hadn’y even tapped it yet, and we dated off and on for at least 3 years.

So with this out of the blue contact- Im wondering do I bring that up? I ask because yes, he told my ex. And we tried to hook back up, but it was and forever will be marred by that 3 minute mistake I made back several years ago. And im mad that he told, because in my mind, that shit didnt count. It was 3 MINUTES!. No exaggeration. And he couldnt wait to tell because that what he had wanted so many years before. Just thinking about it sets me off. I need him to know that it was not cool nor alright for him to do that, not only to a special relationship, but to a special friendship. Not only his and mine, but mine and the ex’s. There was a third friend involved but he lied. . He went and told them both I gave him some. I guess since it was in season they believed him. It taught me something very important though.

It’s cool to be friends with a guy. It’s never cool to be friends with your man’s best friend. It’s especially not cool to be alone drunk high and horny with your man’s best friend. Lesson well learned.

1 comment March 25, 2009

So I figured out what the word was…

That I was thinking about last post. Glutton for punishment. And I say it all the time, but it just escaped me that day. Pretty sure I was drunk. Anyvodka, (shout out to Michael K. of dlisted.com) I went “clubbing” last night with my girl, and it was cool- but the thing that bothered the shit out of me was after the club. My sex was unavailable. Now, my sex is a man that is NOT my man, so can I really be mad? Fuck yes I can. I’ve been peeling my panties  (or lack there of) off for this chump for a year and a half, and when I say im going out, that means, “I go out, you stay home and make sure it’s hard when I get there” NOT ” You go out too, and get drunk and make new female friends”. But me thinks he don’t get it. Since neither of us are currently mobile, we miss each other- because his stupid ass can’t tell his friend he has grade A hot snatch waiting for him. Punk muthafucka. My girl leaves when IM ready to go. And leave to go to what??? Home, dry assed, drunk, and mad as hell. Ihate when a nigga refuses to get that point. So my weekend ends with me, sexless, hungover, sitting home with the old man, who can’t screw because he’s DRUNK AGAIN!!! I’m so over it.

Add a comment December 8, 2008

Tuesday’s with ME…

What’s up people? It’s Tuesday, a very uneventful day for most…especially for me. I couldnt sleep last night (been happening a lot lately) so i was awake until 5:30am, then slept until around 11am. I dont think that is adequate sleep, but Im a nobody. Anyhoo- my turtle is acting strange as hell, and he’s is bugging me out. Bring that he is a snapper- when he acts strange, i feel…strange. Let me get into someting that puzzles the hell out of me. I had dealings with a young man a bit over a year ago, and we had dealt for about 8 months. It was a lot of fun. It was some of the best dick I’ve ever had in my life. He’s a big guy, like I like them, I feel protected. He was in my opinoin, a true gentleman. He dated me (I will get more into this lost art later). He took me to dinners, and movies, and 5 star hotels, not just banging me in the basement. He was a catch, an ideal man. Then something happened. My ex called. Now, I have a history of being sort of a pushover for a dude from my past. Not just “a” dude, but all of them. They all come back, and usually I let them. This particular ex had been on again, off again, for 5 years. He called andbegged me to come back. Even threw in a ” I bought a house for you”. Well, I had to see what it was about. He had purchased a home 5 blocks down from where I currently lived, my childhood home. There was a decision to be made. I lived in a house currently, with more people than I cared too. I loved them all, but I needed more space. So I moved in with the ex. Well, needless to say, when you move in with a man, it’s a bit hard to continue on about your lifestyle. This was my first foray into the world of co-dwelling, and I still havent adjusted to it fully. It is NOT my style. With that said, the guy I had dealings with is still in contact. I want to be able to go, but As we speak, I am listening to the ex (now the current) ramble on about absolutely nothing, and I am stuck. HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“I have longed to stay awake…a beautiful world im tryin’ to find………………”

Add a comment August 27, 2008